So we had a Harwood (HDUBS!) sponsor meeting and did this trust-building activity called Suitcase. Since we went overtime and I was last, I had to rush through all my answers, but I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s on my paper, so FIRST REAL TUMBLR POST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR! 

1. Something you like about yourself. 

I laugh super easily. Someone can just look at me and I will laugh. I don’t even have to be with people; sometimes I just laugh in my room by myself (LOL). I love that.

2. A physical fear.

I am scared of falling. That’s why I hate rollercoasters and ropes courses and everything else involving that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Some people love that feeling, but I hate it. I’m not scared of heights or anything, just the actual action of falling.

3. An emotional fear.

I fear being inadequate and letting people down because I am inadequate. The people I fear letting down the most are my parents. I know how difficult it was for them to move all the way to the U.S. without their families, and they’ve done so much for me. Now they’re paying for me to go to this amazing school, but I don’t think I can live up to their expectations. Even though I do this much less than I used to, I still compare myself to my sister. She’s super brilliant and is now at Stanford to get her Ph.D. I know my parents are extremely proud of all that she’s accomplished. And even though I know that they love us equally, I’m afraid that I will never make them as proud as Alicia has made them. 

4. A place you are fond of.

Deandra’s car! But really, there are so many good memories in that car. Everything from laughing our faces off to near-death-experiences have happened in there. The most recent memory I have in Deandra’s car is praying for Amy after we shared the gospel with her and got to answer some of her questions about Christianity. See? That car is special.

5. Something you’d like us to know about you.

I am a Christian. I thought about what I wanted to reveal to the group for a long time and decided that this was really the most important thing to say. I wish I could’ve said more about it though. All I really got into was how I grew up in the church, ran away for a bit, and really started growing last year. Then I talked about how I was scared that my faith would alienate some of my sponsees. There is definitely stigma attached to religion at Pomona, especially to Christianity. I’m just afraid that when they find out that I’m a Christian that they’ll think that I’m judging them or look down on them when I don’t. If they have negative experiences with the church, maybe they’ll attach those to me. I don’t know. I’m just worried that my faith will make people feel badly about themselves.

6. A question that you must answer.

What do I want to change about myself? After one of our sponsor training sessions on communication, I realized that I am a super bad communicator. I don’t speak up in discussions. I avoid conflict like crazy. I internalize everything. I never speak first. I’m not good at listening. It seems like everything I do is wrong. But aside from all these bad qualities, I chose this answer because I recently let something slip to one of my friends that I think really hurt him. I don’t censor myself around people that I’m comfortable with. And while it’s not like I wish I was a better liar or anything, I just wish that I had the whole think-before-you-speak thing down. Sigh. So bad at talking. Must improve starting now!